What's In A Testimony?

As a child partaking in Sunday school I was taught many an important lesson chief among them was do not lie, the importance and dire consequences of which seemed to be stressed relentlessly to the point at which the teacher began to sound like a cracked and worn out record another valuable lesson was under no circumstances where you allowed to bare false witness not only because it was a sin- but as we would later learn-because it could land you in more than just hot water. It seems though that unlike my fellow Sunday school mates and I that the now infamous ‘apostle’ Michael Njoroge skipped these vital lessons lot only in Sunday school but that he missed that class later in his theological training because the pastor continues to paint himself-with his own brush- in a most unflattering light.

If the Fire Gospel Ministries faux miracle worker thought his latest ploy- that of calming that his life was in danger- would somehow ingratiate, or in some way cleanse his rather tattered reputation he may just be finding himself in a much bigger, messier crater.
The loyal man of god-his wife would say otherwise- claimed that he’d been shot at while driving, filing his statement at the Embakasi police station, presumably bringing the vehicle-a black Prado, with its windows smashed but hardly ‘riddled with bullets’ as the pastor claimed-as evidence of the would be crime. But the ever reliable police-perhaps having previously watched the news expose- took a closer look at the pastor’s car and cast a large shadow of doubt over the much maligned pastors claims concluding that it may not have been possible for the bullets to have entered through the driver’s window and exit through the passengers window; in for all intents and purposes a straight line if the car was in motion. Even Horratio Cane could tell that something just isn’t adding up in the pastor’s concocted equation.

Of course as with all smart people who find themselves in boiling hot water the pastor assembled a ‘defence’ team of sorts – his fellow pastors, who have in the past weeks been his strongest and by far loudest cheerleaders-who recently stated that they were ‘investigating’ claims of wrong doing by Njoroge and promised to make their findings known in a fortnight-at least it’ll take them longer than one of their defendants miracles. Funny enough it seems as though the investigators don’t even need their self imposed two week time period as they-on the spot- have already pronounced the pastor a victim of malice, now what would we do if the police jumped to such hasty conclusions.

Anyone who carries a fire arm must be either afraid for their lives-which the pastor would like us to believe or more likely is involved in activities that may not be all the way above board... Njoroge who is the owner of one such weapon had it confiscated as a part of the evidence it will undergo ballistics testing to determine whether the ‘man of god’ used the weapon to stage the shooting of his car. To make things even hotter for the beleaguered pastor Nairobi police boss Antony Kibuchi said that if Njoroge is found guilty of giving false evidence he could face up to 3 years in jail.

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